I just turned 50—I was scared at first, but now I wouldn’t change a thing. Here’s why I’m so much happier

It’s no secret our society covets youth, especially for women. So when I reached my 40s, my natural instinct was to be fearful. I started to think about how time was running out and if I should I start trying Botox.

I don’t think I’ll live to be a 100, nor do I have the desire to — but these concerns were constantly in my head. Once I actually hit my 50th birthday, however, I noticed a change: I started feeling more and more at peace with who I had become and the choices I had made.

Now 50 years old and working as a therapist, I feel so much gratitude for how far I’ve come, in a way I never expected. Here’s why I’m happier than ever at 50:

In my 20s and 30s, I would lay awake at night thinking about a bad interaction at work. I would beat myself up for the things I did or didn’t say.

But I’ve stopped caring about what other people think. My self-worth is too important to hand over to another person.

I also have a strong sense that I know what I’m doing when it comes to my life’s work. After 20 years of work experience, I can tell if I’m the right fit for a new therapy or coaching client within minutes of speaking with them.

In my 20s, I had so many questions and doubts. Would I ever find the right job? Would I meet the one? Would I have children? Did I even want kids? Would I be able to buy a house? I so afraid of making the wrong choices.

But all of those big life events eventually happened. I found the right career and I got married. I had my son and bought a home. I’m so excited about what’s next, like watching my son and niece come into their own, and more time with my husband — we just celebrated our 20th anniversary!

Being 50 is like the third act of a movie. Maybe it didn’t play out like you thought it would, but you finally have a good sense of the characters and the structure, and you can see where things are going. 

One of the harder parts of being 50 is that there are days when I have to juggle the demands of raising my teenager and caring for my 80-year-old mother. But becoming a parent and caretaker has helped me better understand and appreciate my own life.

Once I was able to understand my parents on a new level, many of my childhood hurts and disappointments slowly melted away. Watching them older and more vulnerable makes me see them in a more loving way.

At the same time, since I work with young adults, I get to spend my days helping the next generation make choices they feel good about.

The thing about getting older is that you’ve overcome enough challenges and fought enough battles to know that during tough times, you’ll weather the storm. I have 50 years’ worth of skills to rely on when I’m faced with a problem.

I’ve had my share of setbacks: career opportunities that didn’t work out, a personal medical diagnosis, my son’s struggles with mental health, the unexpected loss of two friends. But I got through them all.

I know how to feel my feelings, process my sadness, and speak to myself with kindness and compassion. I can recognize when it’s time to wipe away my tears and move forward. I know how capable I am.

And I’m proud to be 50. I’m learning to embrace my age, with or without Botox. My best advice is don’t be afraid to get older. It means you’re wiser, calmer and savvier in so many ways. It’s the best thing that can happen to you.

Tess Brigham is a San Francisco-based psychotherapist and author of “True You: A Step-By-Step Guide to Conquering Your Quarter-Life Crisis.” Follow her on LinkedIn.

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